If you suffered through the insipid-yet-hard-to-look-away-from season of "Kourtney & Khloe Take The Hamptons" (and I'm not judging), you were privy to Scott & Kourt's same song in which he's an overgrown imbecile and she's counting down the days 'til she physically parachutes out of a relationship that only works because they're bound in bureaucratic reality TV red tape (she checked out emotionally about two kids ago). Fake-ish story lines aside, the true antics of Scott Disick are an open secret that somehow Mama Kris manages to keep close to her chest: that he cheats on Kourtney left and right with club trash plucked from his favorite haunts such as 1Oak, Empire and private homes of the rich and strung out.

One of the easiest ways for him to pick up these women is to take the Jenner sisters out. Why is a man who's almost 30-years-old hanging out with teenage girls? 'Cause they bring around the freshest meat. At a holiday party in Hollywood just weeks ago, he surveyed the club with the model Jenner and a parade of eagle eyed club promoters by his side, who looked upon a crowd of girls who — let's just say — looked like they had no business even being at an 18+ event.

Disick was indoctrinated into infamy with the explicit help of a scion of douchery: the infamous Joe Francis.

The union between Kourt and Disick began at Francis' party pad in Mexico after Disick walked in on Kourt and Joe making out. (Yeah, they used to date — can you spot the Daddy issue?)

In typical dog fashion, as documented by a manufactured scene from an earlier (better) season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Disick told Kourt moments after she swallowed Francis' saliva that she needs to be dating him instead. And that's how this love story that rivals Romeo + Juliet (the Baz Luhrmann version but with far worse music) began.

Fast-forward to some much-needed distraction/attention, Kourtney just gave birth to their third child yet he hasn't slowed the party bus since Dubya was in office. While she's keeping up with her Beverly Hills friends who have since traded their coke spoons down for sippy cups – hell even Francis had twins (read: babies)! – Disick is relentless in his pursuit to perfect whatever version of Lord Disick he is this year. He careens all over the 101 and now he fancies himself a house flipper. All of this after being a failed restauranteur, a failed podcaster, a failed party promoter...a failed person. If the residue he finds at the bottom of a glass (and not the love of his girlfriend and children) somehow gets him closer to this goal, America will no doubt continue to eat this shit up.

But he's been upping his game a bit, by dogging Kourtney relentlessly in the last few weeks. Namely at the home of unparalleled poonhound/genius moneymaker Jimmy Sommers, the owner of Wildfox (official clothier of Instagram and Victoria's Secret models). Scott was spotted leaving one of the mogul's many guest rooms with a lithe brunette who was readjusting her bikini and smudged lipstick. They parted as fuckbuddies do – nameless and with little regard for each others' plans that don't include them banging.

Why would Disick be so flagrant about his pursuit of women yet unconcerned with his betrothed? Because most ignoramuses online are siding with him, saying he's been thrust into fatherhood without consent...essentially that his youth and vigor has been suspended by the Kardashian succubae and this is his coping mechanism – pounding willing randoms in retaliation.

Unsurprisingly, Kourtney's response to all this will be as blasé as her reaction to an A-Bomb explosion would be. She will never dump Scott! What would it even take for her to leave him with her dignity and vocal fry intact? As ratings plummet, so does the sperm count. I'm not sure why I care so much when she cares so little.

Girl, LOVE YA SELF.

Have you seen Scott out in the wild? Let me know you got away unscathed and then I'll need you to show me on the doll where he touched you...

IMAGE BY WOOLLEY